Keeping it Real

Certainly, the Board of Certification for Emergency Nursing (BCEN) examination is the standard in proving one possesses the head knowledge required to be an ER nurse. This test does not necessarily prove a nurses total competence in the “real world”. I propose a more “street” component is necessary to keep the BCEN real. I’ve drawn potential questions straight from my experience.

Section 1: Anatomy

Identify the following anatomical locations

1]  Eucharist      “I’ve got fireballs in my Eucharist”

    Answer: __________________________

2]  The nutbag and booty hole      “I’ve got a sore between my nutbag and booty hole”

    Answer: __________________________

3]  Jawn      “My jawn got burnt”

    Answer: __________________________

Section 2: Pharmacology

Identify the following medications

1] Peanut Butter Balls      “I take peanut butter balls for my seizures”

   Answer: __________________________

2]  Low Da’ Pressure     “I take Lowdapressure for my hypertension”

   Answer: __________________________

3] Keep Right       “I used to take keepright for my seizures”

    Answer: __________________________

4] Hound Dog     “I’m allergic to hound dog”

    Answer: __________________________

Section 3: Disease States

Identify the following diagnoses

1]   Mediocre Infraction      “They said I had a mediocre infraction looking at my EKG”

    Answer: __________________________

2]  Pan Fried Itis     “I got panfrieditis from drinking too much”

   Answer: __________________________

3]  Gas Station Diabetes     “I got gas station diabetes in my second trimester”

    Answer: __________________________

4]  Mine Injustice     “He had mineinjustice as a baby”

    Answer: __________________________

5]  Fireballs      (Again) “I’ve got fireballs in my eucharist”

    Answer: __________________________

6]  Importance     “They say importance is from the diabetes”

    Answer: __________________________

5]  Magnets      “I think a fly laid a magnet in her sore”

   Answer: __________________________

 

Critical Thinking

Scenario 1

Patient presents to triage and pulls down her tank top. She expresses a line of green from her left nipple along her index finger. She places said finger under your nose and asks “What’s that?” Your response:

  1. Vomit
  2. Slap it away
  3. Faint
  4. State “That’s disgusting. There’s a sink. Wash your hands and let’s get you signed in for care”.

 

Scenario 2

Patient presents face down on an ambulance gurney. A sheet covers him but it appears he’s sporting a dorsal fin. You place him in a room and peek under the sheet; a paint roller is lodged in his rectum. Your next move:

  1. Ask if he was painting naked
  2. Inquire if the paint is lead-based
  3. End a sentence with “it nearly wrecked ‘um”
  4. Pull out the conscious sedation form and get started

 

Scenario 3

A patient presents with multiple gunshot wounds to the torso. The situation in which he was shot is most likely:

  1. A drug deal gone bad
  2. Breaking into a gun owner’s home
  3. Cleaning his licensed weapon in his own home
  4. Entering a Chinese food store to pick up his General Tsao’s

 

Scenario 4

Patient removes his shoes and socks complaining of a foot infection. The socks remain boot-like rigid. The most likely substance causing the socks to retain this form is:

  1. Heavy Starch
  2. Toenail Fungus
  3. Cold Feet
  4. Stool

 

Take a stab at the test; I’ll post the answer sheet later this week. Remember, this is a work in progress. The author needs questions from your experiences prior to submitting a proposal. Please leave your entries below in the comment section.

 

 

 

 

7 thoughts on “Keeping it Real

  1. I was a dental assistant for years. We had a very nice patient, an older gentleman in his sixties. It was quite obvious he was bald, but he had taken brown shoe polish and painted his skull with it, like a human Ken doll (as in Barbie and Ken). Of course, his loafers were the exact same shade. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. Every time he moved his head, he left shoe polish all over the chair. You can’t make these things up folks. Love your blog.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So I ask this lady in triage “do you have any allergies?”
    She says “yes, I just found out that I have fiber-my-allergy. It causes me pain all over.” SMH

    Liked by 1 person

  3. When triaging a patient do you ask for medication list first or medical history? Often I ask out of my proposed order “do you have any medical problems?” Their answer is ” no” . “Are you on any medications?” Ohhhh yes, then the list of 10 medications is revealing at least the triple threat: diabetes, hypertension, high cholesterol…

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