Answers from Keeping it Real
Here they are! Check your answers and see how you did.
Section 1: Anatomy
Identify the following anatomical locations
1] Eucharist “I’ve got fireballs in my Eucharist”
2] The nutbag and booty hole “I’ve got a sore between my nutbag and booty hole”
Answer: The Perineum
3] Jawn “My jawn got burnt”
Answer: The Jawn is anything you want it to be (it’s the best word ever!) The sample sentence could mean “I’ve have a thermal injury” or ‘I think I have an STD”
Section 2: Pharmacology
Identify the following medications
1] Peanut Butter Balls “I take peanut butter balls for my seizures”
2] Low Da’ Pressure “I take Lowdapressure for my hypertension”
3] Keep Right “I used to take keepright for my seizures”
4] Hound Dog “I’m allergic to hound dog”
Section 3: Disease States
Identify the following diagnoses
1] Mediocre Infraction “They said I had a mediocre infraction looking at my EKG”
Answer: Myocardial Infarction
2] Pan Fried Itis “I got panfrieditis from drinking too much”
3] Gas Station Diabetes “I got gas station diabetes in my second trimester”
Answer: Gestational Diabetes
4] Mine Injustice “He had mineinjustice as a baby”
5] Fireballs (Again) “I’ve got fireballs in my eucharist”
6] Importance “They say importance is from the diabetes”
5] Magnets “I think a fly laid a magnet in her sore”
Patient presents to triage and pulls down her tank top. She expresses a line of green from her left nipple along her index finger. She places said finger under your nose and asks “What’s that?” Your response:
- Slap it away
- State “That’s disgusting. There’s a sink. Wash your hands and let’s get you signed in for care”.
Rationale: We Are ER Nurses! We do not vomit, we do not hit and we certainly do not faint! We just educate then get it done!
Patient presents face down on an ambulance gurney. A sheet covers him but it appears he’s sporting a dorsal fin. You place him in a room and peek under the sheet; a paint roller is lodged in his rectum. Your next move:
- Ask if he was painting naked
- Inquire if the paint is lead-based
- End a sentence with “it nearly wrecked ‘um”
- Pull out the conscious sedation form and get started
Rationale: Some things are left better when left unsaid. It got there, there’s a story. You don’t want the details!
A patient presents with multiple gunshot wounds to the torso. The situation in which he was shot is most likely:
- A drug deal gone bad
- Breaking into a gun owner’s home
- Cleaning his licensed weapon in his own home
- Entering a Chinese food store to pick up his General Tsao’s
Rationale: Do not ever be “minding my own business”, “doing nothing but standing there” and/or picking up your Szechuan Delight from a Chinese store anywhere near my Trauma Center. You’ll catch a bullet every time!
Patient removes his shoes and socks complaining of a foot infection. The socks remain boot-like rigid. The most likely substance causing the socks to retain this form is:
- Heavy Starch
- Toenail Fungus
- Cold Feet
Rationale: Nothing holds form stronger than fecal material. This is particularly true when you wrap it in size 11 canvas!
Thanks for all the great comments and responses! Keep posting them and we’ll add test questions in future “exams”.